Sometimes it takes a moment of complete clarity to stop and think and breathe and reflect. I’m looking outside on this murky and wet April afternoon, trying to get motivated on some law stuff I need to catch up on. It’s not working too well. I didn’t get up until 12.15pm after another huge set of vivid dreams. The other night involved working at an amazing law library with amazing people and a huge bathroom and last night’s involved a pub and some poker machines and valet parking (don’t ask) and I think that my brain is having a purge of all irrelevant things I’ve been thinking of and witnessed in recent times. My stress levels are ok as they have been for a few years, albeit for the occasional Mick Malthouse style stroke-inducing brain snap, but my thinking levels make me believe that I should take it down a notch.
At that moment of clarity I thought about how far I’ve come in the last few years and all of the changes, adjustments, new relationships and how far I still have to go with my goals even though I can see the faint light hovering ahead. But, the planning continues. I cannot stop thinking of scenarios that could occur. Doing a law degree as an adult, husband and father has an abundance of implied pressures and most of them involve your partner and children because they are part of everything you do. They are my inspiration and my obligation and that balance can sometimes get wonky. I am of the belief now that I could be a lawyer one day, even though I thought lawyers were those guys that appeared on American TV shows. For a person who has had an uneasy relationship with his employment history since 1985 (read: work sucks), it would be wonderful to plan out your immediate future with your family on our own terms and by the things you put in place to achieve that. There are givens in my life. My eldest son has autism and he finishes primary school at the end of 2016. That’s the barometer. I am planning to finish my degree and finish my GDLP by the end of 2015. I know I don’t want to be the William St law firm guy. Does not interest me in the slightest. Maybe an adventure in country Victoria or NSW for a while. Stop thinking. Finish that essay.